Anniversary

This should be a month for parties
little boy trains and cartoon characters
and whatever it is that six year old boys like
whatever you would like best
instead there are crushed dreams
and silence
and huge pain that I run away from,
festering deep.

The night you entered this world
I held you for hours
and told you about your family.
On one hand I knew that it was
the only "earth time", you and I would get
and yet I couldn't really fathom what that really meant.
I didn't understand death.
Maybe I still don't.

I'd give anything to be making a birthday cake
with six candles on it this year.